Sign in

The Face In The Mirror

“If you’re going to say what you want to say, you’re going to hear what you don’t want to hear.”
~Roberto Bolaño

Most of you know me from doing this show. What most of you don’t know, is that before I was AC Fischer, host of Turn Up The AC, I co-hosted another show called The Missionary Position with my brother Jason.

That content and delivery of that show were very different from what most of you are used to witnessing in me. We were brash, offensive, and determined to shock our listeners.

Week in, and week out, we said what we wanted to say. The first few episodes involved a steep learning curve, so we weren’t immediately aware of how we actually sounded. That began to change as soon as the distraction of learning how to podcast began to fade.

It wasn’t long before we started to hear what our conversational interactions sounded like. Like the quote at the beginning pointed out: we said the things we wanted to say. The problem was that, during playback while editing, we heard things that we didn’t want to hear. Namely, that we weren’t effectively communicating with each other, and that our fragile egos were in the way of our personal growth.

What I think Roberto Bolaño missed is that hearing the things we don’t want to hear can put us on the road to thinking in ways that will eventually motivate us to want us to say better things.

Listening to recordings of myself speaking holds a mirror up to the person I’m presenting. Sure, there are times when doing so allows me to celebrate how far I’ve come. Sometimes, though, the mirror reflects someone who really needs to work on certain things.

I’m thankful for the opportunity I have to hear myself from something resembling an outsider’s perspective. The thing I struggle with is trying to keep myself open to the fact that what I’m hearing is still my own perspective — however different or “outside” it may feel. I can learn a lot from looking in this mirror but I can’t learn everything.

Something that’s becoming evident to me is that it’s not enough to hold up a mirror to my own face. Sometimes, I have to allow the people who love me to offer their perspective — especially where my blind spots are concerned.

Listen to the podcast version of this (and other) stories at

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store